been in office since morning.
helping out colleague with some project due on tues.
cant believe i can actually sit down for such a long time actually doing work.
SERIOUS WORK.
if only that i have been that hardworking during poly.

i have been thinking again.
like almost every now and then.

just random thoughts although i have been feeling quite easy today.
i keep my emotions inside when im outside.
but when i reach home it's like all burping out of me once i touch down into the house.lol.
i mean. i tried to keep it only to myself until i get into my room, but just cant seems to do it.
(BREATH IN) i need a getaway!

back to today.
my colleague noticed.
i actually took deep breaths and breathe out.
reason; i think im stress-ed. HAHA.
okay, it wasnt really shown but i think my internal body parts are telling me that i am.
i have difficulties breathing.. (excuses) HAHAHAHA.

i almost fall asleep when eating dinner today.
like finally relieved.
but work's not FULLY DONE. the rest, my colleague himself has to do it.

i think the reason why i can be able to do it,
might be because someone older is beside me, makes me want to strive harder.
or maybe i just wanna get things done, cuz i have the mindset that im not able to help out much.
but im glad im able to help.
(im just afraid that colleague might commit suicde or smth. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.)


things get alittle complicated....
interacting and communicating are so tough.
HUMANS ARE REALLY COMPLICATED! -.-

there's someone, A.
A is good, she is really nice... but A and i just dont click.
not control. i dont know the word.
when doing stuffs, A tends to be the one sort of distributing works.
we have to listen. A likes doing that.
but it's contradicting. they are of same age?
A can easily do it in a way that doesnt make us feel distant.
A dont have to be like someone of a much higher rank or something.
i dont know what A is thinking. i mean A's kind of mindset is really more of a someone who likes to have power on hand.
which makes me feel quite difficult to get closer and to be with someone like that.
not that we cant be friends but definitely not as close.

i can be wrong about what i said about A, but that is basically what i think.
it can be a strength, also a weakness at the same time.

we are really different.
i tried to be nice, but it is all about what someone's thinking.
whether you know what each other think.
but if we are so different, some time it can be quite hard.
things can change but it's not an easy.
takes time and effort. see who's with the flow.

but anyway, why change, be yourself!

im really tired.
tired of lots of things. (mentally)
and im wondering if i even have alittle bit of a confident in myself.
it's like i can give up ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANYTHING.
but i forced myself to stay together.
which is good.
but how long can i continue........ (_ _^)累

i feel restless.
i feel like someone is pulling me down.
i dont feel good.
but i can be happy at times.
rather really happy, most of the time, until the night comes.

you know things just come out of your head randomly and you feel that it's not right.
then soon you fall asleep..........

CRAPS.
hasnt been in good condition these few days.
NO activities PLUS im desperate to do something, so was crazy enough to do OT back in office today.
spells S M A R T !
(BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN I DONT WANT TO HELP! DONT GET IT WRONG! >.< )
hope things get better alright.
cheers people.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY TAIWAN! :)


LOVE <3
'to be better and better each day!'
;10/10/2009 11:39:00 pm